It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
