cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
