Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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