and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
