Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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