I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
