i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
