last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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