"it" just moved
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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