***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
