dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
