Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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