Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
