I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
