i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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