i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
