Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
