Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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