her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
