i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
