So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
