I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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