the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
