evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
