I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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