The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
