so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
