I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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