After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
