I hate your face
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
