She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
