he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
