let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
