so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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