We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
