I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
