I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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