I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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