dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
