I met the friendliest cop last night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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