Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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