You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
