addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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