As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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