So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
