the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
