Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
