On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
