Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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