Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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