it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
