a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize