I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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