Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
