pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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