Umm I'm too high to move.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
