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So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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