Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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