Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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