she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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