You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
