he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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