He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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