...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
