Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
