how can u be prego again
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
