Having a random hookup so left but love u
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
