You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
