I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
