Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
