tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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