I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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