She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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