I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
