the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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