I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
