We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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