U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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